At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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