wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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