i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
