Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
