What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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