I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
