I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
