I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I supernannyed him into submission
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
