Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Randomize
