Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I need moral support for this bender
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"