Me. At least after what I've been through.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.