I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.