The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
come find me please
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night