My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
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I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
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he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"