If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
