All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
