Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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