I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
