Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
