Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
