all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
