I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
