Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
