I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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