Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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