She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
