...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
