at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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