No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I deserve this hangover.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
