using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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