I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
