if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Randomize
