it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
