Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
