Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
