Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
