Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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