My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
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The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She's the barista slut.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
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I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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