Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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