Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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