After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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