I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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