There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she smelled like a LAN party
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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