i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
