last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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