I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
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