I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We need a shit load of segways right now
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize