Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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