I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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