____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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