Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
