Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
