Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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