We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
