How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
