there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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