If i come over, it means nothing
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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