P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
