She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
