doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
