i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
