the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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