nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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